Engaging Each Day with Action Words

Experiment. — Dear Mom: Motherhood is a Science and Patience is not a variable.

on May 12, 2013

A WordPress Daily Prompt: Hi Mom!

Dear Mom,

It is true. It is true what they say.

I have looked all over the place. I tell my family when they can’t find the missing thing: “You’re good looking. But you’re a bad looker.” But I really can’t find it. And I’m a pretty good looker.

These kids. They don’t come with an instruction book.

So Moms everywhere are left to do what Moms everywhere do.

We make it up. We try it out. We ask questions and seek out answers.

In short, we experiment.  From Day One. We experiment.

With different routines. With different foods. With different philosophies.

We read the books. We seek out advise. We watch others.

And then you know what? We do the best we can. Everyday.

We show up. We mess up. We try to make it fun along the way.

Motherhood is just one big experiment.

From Day One, when you are handed that little bundle of question marks and bring them home it is all about trying to figure them out.

If only it were as easy and as logical as the scientific method:

Ask a Question: Why won’t this baby stop crying?
State a Hypothesis: Maybe it is hungry.
Conduct an experiment: Feed it.
Analyze the results: It is not crying anymore. But eating peacefully.
Make a conclusion: The baby was hungry. Remember that for next time.

Sure. That one was easy, and we can apply it to having a crappy diaper or having trouble going to sleep or sleeping in their own beds or having a tummy ache or getting carsick.

But then the experiments get a lot harder:

Ask a Question: How can I raise confident and compassionate kiddos?
State a Hypothesis: With a combination of strict but supportive; lots of routines with a little spontaneity; then throw in a little modeling and expectation setting.
Conduct an experiment: Everyday. Since Day one. Try out different schedules, different foods, different activities and conversations.
Analyze the results: As you lay down to go to sleep and reflect/obsess about the day and how it went for everyone.
Make a conclusion: Do the best you can.

It is hard work.

And when I interviewed you, you said you wish you had had more patience. 

I am here to let you know that in my almost eight years of running trials and research and experiments, I have come to discover that there is no such thing as more patience.

Seriously. That is not how I remember it growing up. When I think of you as my Mom, I don’t think of you as not having patience. I think of you as my Mom. Perfect for me and my brother.

You were there.

You showed up.

You took care of us.

You made things fun.

You cooked us dinners and tried your best to turn them into family events.

You smushed and shushed our ears everynight at bed times.

You sang and played music.

You let us have a million friends over all the time.

You had rules.

You didn’t let us ride our bikes past the stop sign.

And when we did wreck our bikes, and split open our chins, you took us to get stitches, not worrying about the blood on the new car interior.

You let us play in sprinklers and baked us cupcakes.

You helped us with school projects and homework and reading and math.

You made holidays fun and instilled in me the importance of family and tradition.

You let us cut up a huge refrigerator cardboard box, turning into a house that you were sure would fall apart in a week, but turned out to have a life of at least 6 months.

You introduced me to the saga of “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow and watched my friends and I reinact the saga ad nauseum.

You signed us up for ball teams and took us to all of the practices and games.

You cheered for us from the sidelines, from the bleachers, from a lawn chair or blanket on the grass.

You moved us when you thought it was right and let us go see “The Karate Kid” 12 times in the theater because you thought it might make me feel better.

You laughed with us. You played with us.

You taught us how to drive. You held your breath when we wrecked our cars. And said many prayers afterwards.

You watched us carefully through relationships, bad and good and prayed some more, I’m sure.

You came to our defense countless times. You championed our dreams. You put things on hold to make them happen.

You wiped our tears when they didn’t turn out they way we planned.

You encouraged us to go and do.

You became an excellent example of a Mom of adult children, which is not always an easy thing to do.

You. …

Motherhood is an experiment. There are way too many variables to control for.

But you showed up. You asked the questions and analyzed the results.

And for all that you did and all that you are, I am thankful for the loving reminder that there is no such thing as more patience.  You see. It is Mother’s Day and I have a cold or something and I’m not feeling well. And I just fussed and made my kiddos leave my room because they were arguing with each other.

And I regretted it, feeling like I should have had more patience with them.

But then I remembered, there is no such thing as more patience in Motherhood.

Because we just do what we do.


Me. Your Daughter. A Mom.

An impatient Research Scientist, conducting my own experiments since 2005.



4 responses to “Experiment. — Dear Mom: Motherhood is a Science and Patience is not a variable.

  1. Jan says:

    I’m touched beyond measure. And crying happy tears. And how do you remember all that? Thank you so much for this. I love you and I’m so proud of the mother you are and the wonderful children you are raising. I never worry about my grandchildren (and I have many friends who have to worry about their grandchildren). They are blessed with wonderful parents who treasure each day and are there for them.

    You aren’t feeling well? Need some Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup? 🙂 I love you.

  2. […] Experiment. — Dear Mom: Motherhood is a Science and Patience is not a variable. | mommyverbs […]

  3. AMEN. it IS an experiment for all of us. thanks for the reminder. gives me a lot more room to be!!

    • MommyVerbs says:

      You take all the room you need! Keep trying out your hypotheses! Something is bound to work at some point…even if only for a little while! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by for a visit! 🙂 Come back anytime!

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