mommyverbs

Engaging Each Day with Action Words

Forget.– I Miss the Stories I Can’t Remember.

on April 23, 2013

I opened up the laptop this evening to check on some emails and realized that my bad habit of saving things to the desktop had finally gotten out of control. The peaceful Windows meadow and blue sky-white clouded background were barely visible behind a million and one random icons.  So I set out to do a little cyber-decluttering. (It’s my superpower, you know.)

And it was during this process of deleting and moving hiding files inside little yellow virtual folders, that I discovered a Word Document File called “Story Ideas”.

Ah. What’s this? A wealth of grandiose amazing stories that I can write about? Story ideas just begging to be transformed into blog material for ages to come?

Yes!! Jackpot!

I quickly opened the file to discover lists of little phrases that my Y used to say. Little words, little statements that she used to utter from her little 2-3 year old mouth. I smiled and got a little teary-eyed as I read each one.

Please, Sit With Me Just One More Minute!

I’ll Be Super Careful!

Daddy and the Mow Driver

Sitting in my Seat Cart

Somebody’s Crining!

All My Byself!

I’m About to Cry At You!

I remember making this list. These were titles of stories that I wanted to write some day. Each one had a few notes that described her little BIG personality at the time.  I remember this time when I was staying at home with Y and her newborn baby brother, X.  I remember those days, full, amazing, loving, fun and sometimes frustrating. I remember trying to find  few moments to record the preciousness that were those moments. I remember the ideas that I had 5 years ago to write some children’s books from her perspective. I remember the dreams of equal parts traveling book tours with my family and working from home…even then.

But. As I read through the entire list…there were a few stories that I had forgotten. I remember her saying these little things, but I had forgotten all of the details.  I could still write the stories, sure… but not with the same clarity and details that I wish I could remember, details that I have forgotten.

And it is those little things, the silly little things that I don’t want to forget. Those are the things that I always want to remember.

I want to remember that X currently loves me like nobody will ever love me.  He likes to kiss the ‘cold spots’ that I have on my upper arms good night. He loves to walk around with one sock on and one foot bare. Of course all clothes are sometimes optional in his opinion.  He loves to build things with his Daddy and has a daredevil streak on bike ramps. He loves all things Avengers. He likes for me to sing him the same songs at bedtime each night: “Go To Sleep”, “Twinkle Twinkle”, “You are My Sunshine”, “I Know a Weenie Man”, and then a song I made up called, “Alexander” … but I have to sing that one exactly twice.

I want to remember that living with Y right now is like having a walking talking mirror. She currently has a wicked arm in softball and although she loves playing shortstop, she’s really good at first base.  She hates feeling rushed in the mornings and likes to get up ‘on time.’ She’s only missed the bus twice in three years. She’s reading all of the Pony Pals books right now and has just discovered the magic of Judy Blume’s Fudge series.  Her favorite T.V. show is The Brady Bunch. She still likes to stall at bedtime, and has since Day One. She has a sense of style and knows what she thinks looks good and what doesn’t.

And…This is why I write this blog.

I want to remember.

Every story. Every conversation. Every moment.

Every.

Little.

Detail.

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4 responses to “Forget.– I Miss the Stories I Can’t Remember.

  1. mzklever says:

    Love! It’s how blogging found me, for I certainly never set out to find it. I started with sending emails to my fiance about my daughter’s silliness, then it became a whole list of people, then they became facebook notes, and eventually, my blog. I’ve always intended to gather all my Aubrey stories together into a book…I guess I should do it soon before fibro fog takes away what little I do remember. I’m sad that I lost several years worth of emails in a computer crash many years ago…I have no idea what stories I’m missing, so how can I recreate them?

    Enjoy the sweetness while it lasts, and know that there will still be sweetness, it will just be…well, different. BTW, my son still loves me like no one else 🙂 And Aubrey? She is still the source of most of my inspiration, 15 years after I wrote my first email about her.

    • MommyVerbs says:

      Awww…Thanks for the note! I have a vague sense of how fast it is moving. The boy child visits Kindergarten tomorrow and I am starting to feel pretty puddle-y about it, even though he is over the moon excited about these next phases of life. I’m just trying to pay attention. (And then write it all down, knowing that I won’t remember for long…. enough.)

  2. Amy says:

    Relate-able.Hyphenated words count as one word, right?

    I so know what you mean. Writing about going through a bit of a difficult stage with my eldest son is not easy, but I feel like I should so that other parents know they’re not alone and also because I want to remember even the hard stuff.

    Thank you for this lovely post.

    • MommyVerbs says:

      Hyphenated words are some of my favorites because they seem like rebels, just making it up as they go along. It is why I really hyphenated my last name. But my favorite is: all-inclusive. See.

      I’m with you. Sharing and being SO public with such private thoughts is crazy when you think about it. Except it makes a very large world and complicated world seem just a little smaller, a little simpler. We all need that. I thank you for sharing … even when it is about the hard stuff.

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