mommyverbs

Engaging Each Day with Action Words

Know. — Parents, are we keeping score? I’ll mark this one a “W”

on March 13, 2013

The world should know that my Y is all kinds of Ah.May.Zing. She is a firecracker with an undeniable sense of style and flair who hates to clean up anything, but has an entrepreneurial spirit that Felix and I can appreciate.

Every now and then, her self-imposed obligation to make sure that everyone is being treated fairly can occasionally create some conflict among her peers. This does not happen often and most of the time it is not anything worth mentioning at all.

To add a little more interest to this story, one of my best friends in all of the world happens to be Y’s second grade teacher, MK. As a matter of fact, I taught MK’s daughter, A, in second grade many years ago. And now I’m thrilled that MK is now teaching my daughter, Y, in 2nd grade. Now get this. In the exact same classroom!  Yes, MK is now in the classroom that I used to teach her daughter in!  Did you follow that? It is a way cool circle of life kind of deal.

Anyway, a while ago, there was a minor girl drama event at school involving Y and MK talked to the three young ladies about it during their recess time.  I happened to see MK after school that day and she casually shared the story with me. “Did Y tell you what happened today?” No. No. She didn’t as a matter of fact.

So, when I got home, I asked Y about her day and she replied that it was fine. Later while we were making dinner I said, “Anything happen today?” No. While she was brushing her teeth, I inquired about her friends and she assured me that they were indeed well also.

Finally, as I was tucking her into bed, I gave her one more chance. “So, everything go ok at school today?” There was a big sigh and then the tears started flowing as she shared the story and really, it was so minor. She was just embarrassed that she had to come inside during recess to work it out with her teacher and the other girls. I hugged her and thanked her for telling me and let her know that all was well and good and cuddled some more.

And as I was saying my last ‘goodnightsiloveyous’, I paused and sweetly told her that IF she ever really did get into trouble at school, that I would rather hear it from her than be surprised by it when the teacher or the principal calls me. And then I ended with how I trust her to tell me, but she should know that….  “I will always know.”

I shared this story with a colleague just yesterday and she made what I perceived to be ‘judgey’ eyes at me, mabye I’m wrong, but it felt like she was thinking that this was a terrible thing to say before my daughter goes to sleep. But I reject any such Judgey McJudgerson attitudes … because it is true.  I am fairly well connected in this school system anyway, just because I’ve worked here for a while and I’m friends with teachers and principals.   I want my kids to know that I will be checking on them.

I will trust them implicitly, but I will be checking on them. When it is time for cell phones, I will be checking on them. Laptops, I check them. Felix thinks this is terrible, but I still have the baby monitor and I’m not afraid to use it.

I will trust them. I will love them. I will teach them. And I will let them mess up. I will let them fail and learn from their mistakes. Because that needs to happen, too. But I think it is healthy for X and Y to understand that we are here to love them and to guide them and to teach them and to make sure they are safe. And this world is way too crazy to believe that everything is safe or that their good intending, un-developed brains and rationale is enough to help them make good decisions. That’s where Felix and I and the village of people who love them come in. We will always know. That is our job. That is our promise.

So, I hadn’t thought of this episode for months, until earlier in the week, Y shared a story about a boy at school who was not making the ‘best of choices’ as we parenting types like to say.

Y said, “Yeah, he thinks he is being all sneaky around the teachers and his Mom, but he is going to have to learn that … they… will …always … know.”

(She said it just like that, too. I. Love. Her. She’s mine.)

And the sound you just heard was me, marking one tiny little check in the W column for that parenting moment.

So, Go. Know what your kiddos are doing. Let’s all go, Do that!

they will always know

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3 responses to “Know. — Parents, are we keeping score? I’ll mark this one a “W”

  1. Jan Francis says:

    Oh yes I like this blog. Yesterday I was talking to a person in another dept. and she said she searches her daughter’s room when she isn’t home and she searched her son’s room when he was at home. She wants to make sure that everything in her daughter’s world is on track. I think that it is important to KNOW what is happening in your children’s lives too. Did I do that before computers and cell phones? On occasion. 🙂 My kids turned out just fine.

  2. 43fitness says:

    Yep! Dealing with this right now. Unlike yours, mine is not so apt to tell me what ‘s going on, and consequently got caught in a lie yesterday, after another parent’s phone call. My line is along your line: “the truth will always catch up with you”. THank God it actually has caught her on a few occasions now, because you don’t always get to find out the real truth! I agree that we have to recognize their limitations as small people who really need a lot more guidance in how to be civlized than we might like to give them credit for. Thanks for keeping it real!

  3. genext13 says:

    You should always know. That does not mean you will always be the one to initiate fixing problems. The old styles were either not knowing and “trusting” them to do what is right, or knowing everything and constantly trying to fix all the problems. Knowing what is going on allows you to judge the situations and decide if the problems are appropriate for your child to fix. Bullying and similar issues are something adults should have a hand in helping solve or problem-solve with the child. Not to say that they are not able to figure it out, but if you know what is happening, you can step in before the problems get out of hand. You are the parent and the adult. The child is a minor and not responsible in the eyes of the law should anything get that far. You have not only every right, you have a responsibility to be aware of all things involving your child. Judgy should step off and go judge someone who thinks it is ok to leave your child out twisting in the wind. It is a different world than the one we grew up in and the wolves are not at the door anymore, they are in the kitchen and on all the media. You go get ’em!

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