mommyverbs

Engaging Each Day with Action Words

Profile. — Tell me who I am and what I’m like.

on March 12, 2013

Confession: I am a sucker for a good personality test. I mean, really, aren’t we all? Aren’t you?!

So, rather randomly, or cosmically pre-determined, you decide…I stumbled upon a personality test. A blogger personality test no less. Rarasaur and her husband Graysonqueen were bored one day, like way back in December, so they said, … and created one, just for fun. I just took it this morning. And it made me connect a few dots and do a little pondering about me and this thing I call, the MommyVerbs blog.

The results made me reflect back on earlier this week, when She’s Losing It, (who did an awesome pub run recently) helped me realize that, I, too, am “an approval seeking junkie at times.”

And a few days ago, both SmirkPretty and Lead Our Lives offered their wisdoms about morning pages, sharing how they help “move beyond the morning and fit the practice into the spaces between.” and “sometimes just pouring out the mundane makes room for the sublime.” Both comments gave me pause. I heart that. Words are beautifully powerful when strung together by lovely ladies like these two.

Add that all together with the fact that I am trying to participate in the Chopra-Oprah (I know, right?) 21 Day Meditation Challenge. Because, coincidentally … or not, you decide, … my morning pages had been hinting that I really need this.

And it was during this mantra: “Balance is my true nature” that I began to wonder and wander. (Clearly, I haven’t mastered the art of stilling my thoughts just yet.) I would love to be a balanced person. More honestly, I would love for others to see me as a balanced person. Ha! And then I would like to act like a balanced person. And as I sat there, semi-meditating, I started questioning how it is that others see me, exactly. And why do I still care so much. I mean, come on now, I’m 40.

I think we all want to be seen a certain way. And because of that, I don’t think we always want everyone to know every thought we have. So we keep those hidden. The insecurities. The random feelings. Right? Because we want people to see us as we want to see ourselves. Or maybe it is just me. I know people who seemingly don’t care what others think. But then again, I think they really do. At least to some degree.

It is human nature. Even the five year old has moments like this.

Like yesterday, as I was walking X into preschool, we passed another Mom/Son duo doing the same. There was a brief exchange between us about being tired this morning and moving a little slow. I didn’t think twice about it, but that embarrassed X to the nth degree. He pulled on my arm to stop, which I did and he teared up. “Don’t say that to her. Don’t talk about me.”

I apologized for saying that and tried to reassure him that I was talking about myself, too, and I didn’t know that would bother him, but I wouldn’t do it again. Then we sat together outside of the preschool room on the couch for about 10 minutes just casually chatting about the day to come. All was well.

Bottom line: He didn’t want her to think he was tired. He wanted her to think of him differently. Or maybe it was just none of her business. Either way, I get it.

Which brings me back to the MommyVerbs blog and makes me wonder: if I’m so concerned about what others think of me, why do I continue to share so much here in this space? Why would anyone do this? Sometimes I actually forget that other people read these words. I am always surprised when someone says, “I enjoyed your blog about…”

Really, you read that? 🙂

So, why do I write? It is simple. Because I need to. I just need to. And if anything resonates with you, then that is just bonus and I’m happy about that. And if it doesn’t, just don’t judge too harshly and all will be well.

Back to the pieces that brought me to this post. Thanks to Rarasaur, I know my blogging profile: MommyVerbs is Extroverted, Focused on the Development of Single Topics that encourages theorizing. I’ll take it. And I do like trail mix. And I’m a Hokie so maroon and orange is in my vocabulary. And just look at my blog theme–fall colors. Perfect. But my favorite is the profile description: “quality-driven, contagious energy.”

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That is certainly how I would love to be seen. Quality, with contagious energy. But as an approval-seeking junkie, I will probably need some feedback from the masses to confirm if I’m coming close.

Until then, I will follow fellow bloggers advice and work to fit my writing into the spaces in between while pouring out the mundane in order to make room for some more sublime. I like that. Can I get that on a t-shirt?

Thanks to some WordPress friends for the inspiration … and the profile.

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One response to “Profile. — Tell me who I am and what I’m like.

  1. rarasaur says:

    😀 Definitely! Quality-driven and contagious energy for sure! 🙂 Plus, smart. I don’t know if it’s a specific story or an overall method of writing that makes me think “smart” when I think of you and your posts, but there it is. 🙂

    I loved the story with your kid, mostly for how you “got it”– I know a lot of times parents struggle with the idea that their kids, no matter how young, want to shape their own destiny. Beautiful! 😀

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